nuts

mom and I came home form haircuts and grocery shopping, to find the little monster out of his cage, the blood on the floor, chairs knocked over and bags torn apart.

It was soon discovered that the source of the blood on the floor was the prince-dog's balls. testicles. nuts.

There were four little teeth marks.

....fucking little monster bit his balls!
And, to prove that the prince was as princely as we thought, the gremlin seemed unharmed. Even after having his balls bit, the prince would not harm the little one.

The Gaganess

She's nuts.


But I lurve her.

ruined it.

Sherlock Holmes
is House.

Watson
is Wilson

Crazy magical bad dude with logical explanation at the end
is super weird mystery disease with logical explanation at the end.


still love them both. Just wish there was some more separation between the two marvelous works of theater.

so sleepy

Home in 3 days. Naps with this guy await.

I'm starvin' marvin

"people who speak in metaphors deserve to shampoo my genitals"

Feeling shitty? Watch "as good as it gets", featuring Jack Nicholson and Helen Hunt. His insults are so good you will want to punch through your screen to shake his hand. Also, Helen Hunt is hot. (bonus: rando "jewish couple"= Cuddy and Taub from House. Mo' jewish. And Cuddy is still hot as shit but with frizzy hair. Their appearance lasts for maybe 10 seconds. I couldn't get over it).

Feeling awesome and want a downer? Or, feeling down and want to know that things can, in fact, get worse? Watch "dear zachary" and cry the shit out of yourself. I thought I was going to die I was crying so hard. Worth it though. Your life seems so much better.

Want to have a reason to kill yourself? Watch "wild hogs". It's a doozy.

precautions.

After talking to someone, I realized that I am absolutely prepared for a zombie invasion. Only the kind involving the 28 Days Later zombies though. No super-strength or anything. And, with any luck, they wouldn't like sunlight. Otherwise getting around would be tough. But, I have bags and bags of nuts (walnuts, pistachio nuts, pecans and almonds), juice, water, craisins, candy, nature valley bars, caramel creams, sweet-tarts, and cookie dough. All I would ever need to survive, really.
I also have boots to wade through bodies with, all sorts of windbreakers and things to prevent contact with blood and other unwanted contaminants, and socks.
I maintain that the ultimate tool for survival is socks. Cold, wet, blistery or otherwise uncomfortable feet prevent mobility, which is essential in cases of zombie invasion. Although my only weapon is a field hockey stick, I think having socks will make confrontation avoidable.

I suggest you stock up on the aforementioned items (especially socks). Freshman and zombies have very similar qualities, especially on saturday nights and sunday mornings. These tools are helpful in every day contact with the youngest college class, as well as apocolyptic situations.

discovered:

wine = horrible hangover

wine bottles: very hard to open sans-cork-screw
Will Ferrel- even funnier when intoxicated

the week before finals

enormous flannel shirt, christmas music, vanilla candle, social psychology textbook, yellow stickie notes, instant coffee lacking milk, smelly feet (socks, perhaps?), laptop with gross buttons, leggings, dry contacts, procrastination

some nouns I'm pretty seriously involved with right now.

buh-rum-bum-bum-bum.

spotted:

all over facebook: "waa waa waa, I don't get to go home until thursday (friday, monday, etc.), waa waa".

stop whining, bitches.

I don't go home until the 23rd.


...suck my dick. I'll be whining about it for the next 2 weeks

the most wundaaful tiiiiiiiimmeee of the yeeeeeaaaaarrr

creepy and a little too peppy.
But oh-so christmasy.

better than santa.

In the past 24 hours
I have purchased
10/13 christmas presents.

secret fear:

that someone will steal my towel while I'm showering, leaving me naked and wet to fend for myself.

yikes

my feet smell really terrible.

best decision ever

Introduction
I walk into Ds room, and she begins telling me a story about this couple in her high school class who got married. Two years later, the girl posts a music video on her facebook saying "this is my life now".
We go to the music video, watch it, super-depressing, whatever.
THEN we look at the comments. Laughed out loud for most of them.

"great" idea
we take comments we saw (mine was from a T-swizzle-stick song comment) and make them our facebook statuses. We thought it was hilarious.

backlash
apparently, D's was a little to close to what's actually happening in the real-lifeness, so people thought hers was serious. Unfortunate. We immediately got concerned and pissed-off responses from friends and not-so-much-friends. Mine, hopefully, is obviously not me (I'm not 14, to start with). But, people called asking if my account was hacked into.

great experience overall.

highlight: "Yeah I play by ear. Thats all I play by because I taught myself how to play"

for now I'm watching SVU but...

It's coming.


...The week before finals where your teacher is a total dick and decides to give you a final exam before your final exam for that very same class. And, it's not just one teacher. It's most of them. So, this week you wait around, aware of the shit-tasticness that is about to make you want to drop out of school and work in Marshalls by the pet store by the REI by the dunkin-donuts. It's a sick working location. But, for now, you have nothing due, because your teachers all put their bullshit on the same day. And, 3 days after that day, you will begin exams.

and then you go home and eat yourself to death via chicken fingers and coffee milkshakes.

Turkey Day

Maple Pecan Pie
made by mama

The babies

Nuts. Someone spent way too much time and money on this tree

gobble gobble

found these online. Real.

in other news:
I ate a lot last night. And my personal discovery of maple pecan pie was a wonderful one. I had somehow convinced myself that I didn't like nuts up until a few months ago, when I devoured a friend's baggie of pecans, pistachios, walnuts and almonds. Yum.
Thusly, last night was my first pecan pie. I will never love another pie again.

(note: I still hate peanuts. Peanut butter is acceptable. Peanuts are not. Unless in a Take 5)

ahhh

away from school:
I have a puppy napping in my lap, snorting his way through wonderful puppy dreamland
I made 2 pies and garlic mashed 'taters
I burnt my thumbs on said 'taters
I watched 2 episodes of House
I slept in to 10
I ate poached eggs and toast for breakfast
I hung out with cousin and person and watched something I don't remember, really. That was fun.

succexy

Procrastination

fuck me.
The drawing homework I decided not to do (inside of a fucking church) is due on tuesday, along with the actual drawing homework due tuesday. I am 1/4 of the way through the first of three drawings. I am watching the Kardshian Wedding thing. It's awful.

my life could not be made any better by the upcoming turkey-break.

Spring!

I have successfully signed up for my spring classes:

• African American Lit (aka 4 years of liberal quaker high school english. If I don't get an A in this, I have failed.)
• Brain and Behavior and it's Lab (the class EVERY psych major bitches about. Luckily, I'm biffles with the TA. Suck my dick)
• Spanish 201 (This is for you, Roberto)
• Psychology of Human Sexuality (A is for awesome)
• Fitness I (.25 credits for going to the gym twice a week. Good incentive)

Anything is better than this semester. I can't wait for christmas

if I were an animal...

this is what I would be:


(video courtesy of ginger-lady)

exerpt of college life:

some things this video tells us:

1. Girls at Trinity are kind of extraordinarily good-looking. I'm not saying I am, but generally, yes: this kid has reason to be impressed, and I have reason to feel pressure to go to the gym much more than I do elsewhere.
   
2. Some big tools go to trinity (note: he is lip syncing.)
3. Trinity does not have good outlets for creativity. We are reduced to youtube and blogs.
4. This kid got in trouble for "condoning" underage drinking and "objectifying" women. I think that's bullshit. Freshman go to Trinity to drink, and the girls here beg to be objectified.

Valid.

The excuse for why I told my drawing teacher I was ill and could not attend class:

I had to draw the following two angles of the trinity chapel (fully tonal):

suck my dick. I'm not doing that.

La Tele

My life has been made significantly better since 30 Rock came back on.
I love her.

(Tina Fey)

caught ya!

I walked into a bathroom, and one of the stalls was closed.
total silence.

I go into my stall, pee, and flush. As I'm walking towards the sink, I hear something from the closed stall, that I thought was empty

pppffftthhtt

I think it's funny when people try and hold it in when someone walks into the bathroom.
I think it's funny when they fail.

crude, yes. But the highlight of my day.

Things I don't understand

Part 4: Sleep Habits

why is it so hard to fall asleep sometimes, even when you know you have to wake up super early?

why don't I buy earplugs to block out the stupid freshman being obnoxious?

why do freshman have to be so obnoxious in the first place?

if I had temperpedic pillows and stuff, would my neck not hurt so much int he morning?

why is food network so awesome to fall asleep to?

how come, no matter how much sleep I get, it is always so hard to wake up?

on a slightly different note:
thank you, flying spaghetti monster, for blessing me with not having had to pee or puke in my bed, even though I've come very close on a few occasions.. I hate doing laundry.

argument

@tallgoofyperson

poker is not a sport.
nascar is not a sport.

football is a sport.
badminton is a sport.

"mind-sports" are not real sports.

200

I realized I've never had a cheese steak with cheez whiz on it.
It looked awesome last night when I watched Throwdown, when Bobby Flay lost (yet again) to Tony Lukes, the "best of philly" cheese steak man. Tony claims crispy italian bread, cheez whiz and fried onions are the classic. I've had many-a-sandwich, and I am all about the mushrooms, onions, american cheese on a squishy amoroso roll.

Over thanksgiving weekend I will pay the cheez whiz man a visit, and see if his orange goop matches up with my sliced processed cheese "product".

yum yum cheese steak yum

This is It

Michael Jackson was a really weird guy
but his shit was awesome

so, who cares?

nom nom

I have little kernels from the huge bag of smartfood I ate stuck in my teeth, 12 hours after I ate it. It's really irritating my gums, and I can't get it out.

Probably the most frustrating feeling ever.

things and stuff

some quotes of quotes from snacks and shit:
"R.I.P. to my muthafuckin mother".--> hilarious potential eulogy
"If you mad, I'm sorry and shit".---> my kind of apology.

tomorrow is my first day in sociology without my laptop. I might die.



homework is the worst. especially drawing.

since when is "heterosexual" not a funny word?

why do sour watermelons make my tummy so angry but my mouth so happy?

New abmition!: to be a "surrogate mother" to animals. You just get baby exotic animals, and the zoo pays you to take care of them until they can be integrated into their zoo environment or set free. I've been watching animal planet, and every day at 11am, there's a show called "growing up (insert animal here)". Seals, bears, leopards, everything. It's amazing. Best job of all time.

halloweenie

I love halloween. I love coming up with costume ideas, and laughing at the silly biddies walking around in cold weather in short poofy dresses whose colors distinguish one "sexy" costume from another.

I love scary stuff, even though I get really scared really easily.

I love candy. Especially candy corn and sour skittles.

lame

My professor of sociology just e-mailed to let the class know that we are no longer permitted to bring laptops into class.

he just noticed that no one pays attention to that shit

confession:

I purchased a Taylor Swift song off of iTunes.
Also a Lady Gaga song.


yiiikes

magical

I like michael jackson as much as anyone else does. No weird obsessions or anything.
However, I am head-over-heels in love with this song. It is on repeat as I type. It's great shit.

I'm surprised I haven't talked about it until now.
It is the olivia wilde of songs.

If I could somehow fight past all the hype-ass people trying to get tickets for This Is It, I would watch that movie just for this song. However, I won't be able to, because this guy's fans are fanatical. And I will absolutely not buy this movie, because it would be really stupid to watch in your living room. But, in a nice Regal Cinema with some sourpatch watermelons. That is my ideal afternoon right now.

almost as embarassing as peeing your pants:

admitting you like Ghost Whisperer.

uh oh

Due Today:

full-length, life-size self-portrait.

this item also falls under the "things I haven't done" category

UPDATE: Done, son. Painful stuff

Netflix

I just watched King of Kong the other day with my friend. Shit was magical.
Movies coming my way in the near future:

Girl Interrupted
Saved!
Hard Candy
Kinsey
Amelie
When Harry Met Sally
What's Eating Gilbert Grape
Billy Elliot
Better Off Dead
Jonestown: The Life of People's Temple
Requiem for a Dream
Notes on a Scandal
An American Crime
American Beauty
Dear Zachary
WALL-E (best movie ever)
Cool Hand Luke
Pan's Labyrinth
The Craft
Ma Vie en Rose

I've seen some, but not others. I'm psyched.

flower death

I smell a faint sweet smell that almost sits on the nostrils in an unpleasant way.

I think it's the lavender I stole from my sister's wedding, slowly rotting on my desk.

Humph. I don't think I'll remove them quite yet.

i want

everything on this website, but especially these guys:

flowers in a can.

if you are wondering... I would accept these on any occasion. It doesn't even have to be my birthday.
You're welcome.

Truthness.

"Everytime your bitch burp, you smell my balls in the air."
Crooked I, The One by Slaughterhouse

(excerpt taken from Snacks and Shit).

just thought this phrase should be repeated.

Really, though...

I love this school.

I started to feel sick after sitting in the dining hall for an hour, so I got up and left my friends. While walking from the dining hall to my friends' dorm, I got an alert on my cell phone:

The school is in lockdown. There is a dangerous individual in the proximity of the campus. Get in a room, lock the door, close the windows and shades. Do not come out until further notification. THIS IS NOT A DRILL

There are a lot of sketchy people around the campus. We are located in the ghetto. So, for the school to make a big deal about someone is weird. There are shootings and muggings and stuff weekly, and we just get e-mails notifying us about it.

So, locked in the room, more information started filtering in. The dangerous individual was seen walking in the sparse trees (called "woods" in the text) around our campus, barefoot and with camo pants on. He had just committed armed robbery against a McDonalds (forever earning him the name HAMBURGLAR), and the Hartford PD was in pursuit.

Four hours later, he shot at the police, and then killed himself.
I was freed, and am now safely back in my room with my candy corn.

watching stuff

up until now, netflix has been a beautiful thing.

However, I am actively trying to watch Weeds on the instant watch thing, and it is going so slowly.

Tomorrow I will watch the Machinist, and feel better about the 9 dollars a month.

Things I don't understand

Part 3: Sickness

Why am I perpetually sick?

How come you only get out of classes when you're in terrible conditions and cannot enjoy your time off?

Why do I only want to eat fried foods when I'm sick?

What if I have Mono? Or the swine? Can i go home and hang out with mom?

If we killed sick people, would less people get sick?

Are freshman more susceptible to illness? They are the worst.

New Look

Push-Up Bra for the Blog.

yet again avoiding drawing homework

Unecessary

Jesse James is a Joke.

if you like her music, turn your eyeballs off and listen to the music with your ears.

thank me later.

a great conversation.

I was in a bathroom stall in my friend's dorm when I heard two voices coming from the shower:

lady 1: I think I have stretch marks!
lady 2: What? You're so skinny!
lady 1: Mine are from losing weight. They're on my butt.
Lady 2: Ohh, I see. I didn't know you could get them from losing weight!
Lady 1: Well, I do. Especially in my butt.
Lady 2: I hope I get some soon, I've been going to the gym a lot.

I love this school sooooo much

Things I don't understand

Part 2: Social Psychology Class

Why, professor, are you so incredibly boring?

If we have talked about Milgram in the past 3 psychology courses, why are we talking about it again in this one? And why for the first 2 months of class? Has anything changed in the experiment since the 60s?

Who takes the time to write up these insanely long lab reports on attribution style?

Why did I sign up for this class?

Who the fuck smells so bad in here? I have some hand sanitizer in my bag you can bathe in.

amazing crafts of fetuses and dead animals

Jersey Schorr has introduced me to something glorious

regresty

do it.

Perfection

going from this past weekend back into school has been absolutely the most painful transition ever
How beautiful is this shit?

fabulous

great wedding.
Insane family dancing for 4 hours, drinking a gin-and-ginger for the first time (highly recommended), running out of deoderant, eating the best cake ever, bawling my way through a short toast, wearing really uncomfortable heels, letting my afro out, and consuming large amounts of coffee, so as to avoid falling into a sleep-deprivation-induced coma, talking with aunts about books, talking with uncles about the bullshitasticness of sociology, going to a lavender farm, forgetting to brush my teeth.

now:
watching heroes (finally!)
napping with the puppy, who is the best napper I've ever had the pleasure of working with.
making then eating potato leek soup
showering (once)
hanging out with my fabuloso cousins
Mourning the passing of the best weekend ever

the worst part about going home is knowing I'll have to leave again.

Exciting news!

I have bronchitis

And the antibiotics make me feel sick.
And my ears are clogged with nastiness.
And I missed house last night.

Things I don't understand

Part 1
Television:
Why would you watch Greys Anatomy when House exists?
Who decided it was OK to give Brett Michaels 3 TV shows and an E! True Hollywood Story?
Why do I read interesting news on Perezhilton.com before I see it on TV?
How come I only recently discovered the Misadventures of Flapjack?
(look into it, it's fabulous)
Why would you watch the Hills, the City or Gossip Girl, under any circumstances, ever?
Where the hell has 30 Rock been?

yowza

instead of studying for the 2 exams I have on tuesday (in the two classes I have done minimal (no) reading for), I have been doing drawing homework. Miserable.
However, I am less sick than I was before, which is exciting.

I fear I will have to miss house tomorrow night for the sake of studying.



But probably not because I love him.

sickness

my nose is exploding with nastiness
i'm coughing up things that may or may not be alive
and i sound like i should be breathing from an oxygen tank, thanks to emphezema caused by at least 100 years of smoking

Best Weekend Ever

... Is coming up!
On october 17th, the biggest party at my prepster college shall commence.
It won some award at some point for being absolutely nuts.

here is an exerpt from the Trinity Tripod,
"Tropical is an annual party thrown by the brothers of the Psi Upsilon fraternity, or Psi U. Because of the cold temperatures and the tropical attire requirement, intoxication is a student's only hope to stay warm, but students have to be 21 in order to get a drink, so many students try to get drunk enough for an entire night of partying in a single pregame. This leads to complete chaos. Students jumped onstage to grind with the DJs, and the pool was never without screaming students intoxicated enough to find swimming in cold temperatures to be a good idea. "At the high point of the party, there are close to 1000 individuals on our property," said Psi U president, Alex Knote '07.

But the drunken madness is not what makes this party worth the 15 dollar entrance fee. Sand covered the entire backyard of the Psi U house, and a huge hole had been dug into the ground to create a pool. A lifeguard sits atop a recently placed chair overseeing the mass of swimming students. A DJ had been hired to get the students dancing, and a dance floor (covered in sand of course) with a tent over it holds the hoards of students."

wonderful.
This, by the way, is the same party at which the captain of the water polo team dug a 3-foot-deep pool in the backyard of the frat, then proceeded to get absolutely wasted, and dove into it headfirst. I got there after the ambulances left, and the party, featuring the Ying Yang Twins, persisted.
The water polo captain was in the ICU for a week, and he is paralyzed now.

WOOOO I LOVE COLLEGE

if anyone is interested in visiting for the festivities.... I might just end up going, if only to show you the insanity.

first comment in forever

Anonymous: "how do you eat that much for breakfast and still diet?"

Alright, mom, stop being so sassy.
Just because I love sausage and grapefruit doesn't mean I eat it. I mean, I do eat grapefruit. But, I was just mentioning all of the things I love about breakfast in general.

I wish I had sausage, though. It's pretty much just grilled fat
and it is soooo delicious.

offa mah back!

keeping score

nantucket is still the best-
it has llamas on it.

suck my dick, other vacation places.

just some things

This morning was nuts.
Policemen, death, statistics quiz, etc.

This afternoon, much better:
drawing toothbrushes and staplers
mint tea
House

Things I am not looking forward to:
running
drawing class
meeting with my psychology group

why I love breakfast:
sausage (always number one)
tater tots
fried eggs
bagels with cream cheese
waffles + pancakes
grapefruit
bacon (sometimes)

prostitute eyes

so, I let my friend put mascara on me last night. It is 7:30 at night the next day, and the black shit is still on my blonde eyelashes. It's all clumped and droopy. I look like a hooker, especially from the side.

also, all the work I have to get done today hasn't been worked on, because Silence of the Lambs was on A&E today, which took out a good 2 hours. And, I woke up at 11, then spent on and a half hours in the dining hall, consuming unbelievable amounts of food:

a bowl of chicken noodle soup
a whole grapefruit
a bagel with obscene amounts of cream cheese
a bowl of runny oatmeal with 2 tablespoons of brown sugar

out of control.
I have a statistics exam first thing tomorrow morning, and have not started studying.
On tuesday I have a weeks worth of drawing homework due, none of which I have actually done

annnnd I didn't run today.

alarm

I woke up 20 minutes before my class started, and it takes me 10 minutes to walk there.
I debated skipping statistics, but I didn't.
Virtue point for mee

fuck

wow
terrible day. The worst in 2 years, i would estimate. But, I did watch 3 episodes of weeds AND sunshine cleaning. Without that, it would be the worst day of all time.
Just to add to the bullshit that is 9/24/09, I didn't run or do any homework, which would normally be awesome, but it makes tomorrow that much worse (because now I have to do both of those things).

fuck that bullshit
I want desperately to just go home. I get increasingly more concerned that I don't have enough time with the people I love, and am frustrated that I am spending so much of it in Shartford, 4 hours (5 if I'm driving) away from them. Worst "city" ever.

to make it all worse, Ingrid Michaelson's new CD, which I stupidly bought instead of stole, is disappointing. Too much slow shit. I'm sure it will grow on me, but for now, it sucks.

If it weren't for that dope-selling mother and her wonderful television show, I don't know what I would do.

shart

In art last night we had to draw 3 different angles of an object.
I stupidly picked an old-ass polaroid camera. All angular and shit. I couldn't even find the shutter-release. It probably doesn't even work. It's probably not even real.
I did one, and he said I was taking too long, and focusing too much. Apparently having imperfect circles is preferred, which is annoying to me. I think squiggly circles are stupid looking.
Also, I drew in pencil, so when we put the pictures up on the wall to analyze, it was impossible to see mine. It sucked. Also, I don't want my cameras analyzed.

above is the aforementioned camera that took too long to draw

Tupper

I saw the new addition to my family last weekend
and he's the shit
So sassy. Tries to play with the big guys

It's a love story, baby just sayyy yessss

You're witty jokes and brilliant piano-playing make me all tingly
I kind of want to stalk you
But arrest and your rejection are legitimate fears
so I won't.
Just know that I would leave my kitty, and move to england and adopt your children
even if they're my age
if you asked me to.

I might ask you to speak in an american accent
I hope that's ok.
You don't have to if you don't want.
If I get sick, which I do a lot, I would want you to diagnose me
and be mean.
But not that mean, because I want to be that girl
who tames the
insensitive, emotionally stunted
douchebag.

Our relationship kind of reminds me
of the one I had with
that badass in the Breakfast club
who hooks up with the unfortunate
(other)
redhead.

You're the shit.
I love you.

the weekend

the goodness that is about to happen is unfathomable.
Things are ready:
I've got my flavored water (tricked you, tummy!)
Tampons (fuuucck)
stupid fucking drawing shitful homework supplies
the camera (you will see the fruits of its labor soon enough)
the textbooks I have yet to open
clothing
and, the ever-essential: de-o for the b.o.

Time to eat some oatmeal, take some advil and go to statistics (which is notably more bearable than that of high school. I don't really wonder why, considering the 5-year-old who teaches the subject in that math-deprived friends school).

Something to leave you wanting mo':





gimme that shit!

these are not normal-looking people

what consoles me: they're probably all huge d-bags

trader joes torture

Have you ever ate so much granola that your jaw hurt when you talked?

Update!

• I bought some white shorts, exemplifying my impracticality and compulsive buying.
• I ate badly today AND didn't run. blech
• Kristen Stewart is overrated and stupid and twilight is silly and lame.
• My mom is getting a puppy for her birthday on saturday. I may have peed my pants as part of my reaction to the news
  
• True Life: Polyamorous Relationship = biggest waste of time ever. I could have told you that any 3/4 person romantic relationship is going to end terribly
• I just spent $115 on art supplies for my drawing 101 class. Probably a waste considering my lack of talent (I can't WAIT to post some of my attempts up here. It will be amusing to say the least)
  
• There is not a word to describe the greatness of beyonce and her body
• The button on my shirt kept popping open, and it was weird for everyone involved
  

in my free time I...

clean out my fan with cotton swabs for 2 hours.
So much dust and cat hair stuck in there. So much.
I know it sounds a little distasteful, but you have no idea how incredibly gross it was. I wish I had a swine flu mask. I know I just breathed in all sorts of spider eggs and shit.

and it's not even clean. It's just not disgusting anymore.

oh, clever boys.

I have to use the boys bathroom, because it's most convenient.
And I'm the RA, so I do what I want.

Today, I found something that totally made hearing boys poop unabashed worth it.
Luckily I bring my iphone everywhere, even the bathroom, so it was duly documented

scenario: when you close the stall door behind you, and sit on the pooper, you see this piece of paper taped in front of you:


then, because you're instantly creeped out and curious, you look up, and indeed, there is a vent:


I'm only upset because I didn't think of it first.

F.U.

I may or may not have signed up for a club called Feminists United.
We meet tomorrow.

I often find myself getting bullied into things I only kind-of care about.
For example: Today the Environmental Action people called me today during dinner, and instead of telling them to calm down, and that my $10 will not begin a wave of sustainable energy use, I said I would send them $10. Oh, and that I would sign up for a newsletter.
I don't really care that much, but he praised me so much when I seemed mildly interested, when, in reality, I was chewing on some cinnamon toast crunch and enjoying it thoroughly.
I also may have given him the wrong address.

Maybe it's better to pretend to care about things that you know are good, but you don't really give a shit about?
I'm starting a cereal club, and calling those environmental people and asking for some funds to buy myself some rice krispies treat cereal. They owe me.

for christmas you can get me...

A BABY!

I'm having serious baby envy. I really want one, but not a real one. I want one for 3 hours a day, so I can feed it pickles and honey nut cheerios, and show people that I have a baby, and have them envy my baby and its pursed pickle-lips. I'm going to go to all babysitting jobs in the future with a jar of pickles, and take obnoxious videos to creepily savor later.
I also want to dress my baby in onesies and cute dresses/overalls. It will have little baby curls, and it will giggle at the squirrels eating trash, and the birds bathing in dirt. It will also fall asleep spontaneously without getting cranky first. A narcoleptic baby would probably be best.

awesome

blech

First day of classes
I woke up way too early (8:00) for my first class (10:50), in hopes of running (which isn't happening)
I'm eating yogurt and granola, which is surprisingly delicious for something mildly healthy (as opposed to last years daily sausage and cream cheese sandwich on a bagel. So good.)
I didn't wash my face again (going on day 4)
I miss mom dad and mousey
I have nothing to wear
I'm not excited for statistics take-2 (stupid pepenis)
I have yet to buy a present for a birthday
I have yet to buy a present for a wedding
I have yet to play the Sims 3 in my dorm room (how this is possible, I don't know)

I wish I was eating sausage instead of yogurt.

glorious

courtesy of Ginger. Thank you so much, cousin.

uni-be-gone!

my friend is going to "thread" my eyebrows tomorrow. Like plucking, but way cooler, and she says it won't hurt as much. Pain is enough for me to keep up my bushy eyebrow look (hence the bushiness now).

As an RA, I have been most unhelpful. Every question the freshman ask, my friends either have to answer, or, if they're not available to do my job for me, I have the residents call campus safety. For everything. And I can't give directions to anything ever. I'm getting paid money for making negative impact on these freshman.

also, the freshman girls are SO GOOD LOOKING. This school is absurd. There should be a ranking for hottest college. I am the person the admissions people accepted so that others would be reminded of what "average" looks like, so as to not take the hottness for granted. I accept my role proudly. Luckily, I'm not as stupid as the freshman. 3 were sent to the hospital last night for alcohol poisoning (the same day they moved in). Soooo classy

I bought my books today, and took a look through the sociology 101 shit. That subject is the epitome of bullshit. Everything about it is conjecture and nonsense.
I am considering it as a major.

famous people

at school
doodie.

in other news:
My aunt and uncle own a house in Tortola, a british virgin island, which my family and I stay in bi-annually. My Aunt just got a call from her realtor, who shared some AMAZING news.
There was this guy who rented their house for a week with his wife, who called himself "Mr. Olson" or something in their interactions.
this man turns out to be none other than
JOHNNY DEPP.

I stayed in the same house as johnny depp and his hot french wifey.
Also, that's where my sister is having her honeymoon, which means she'll be having sex in the same bed they did.


awesommmmeeee

something to be realized:
vacation is not equal to vacation-from-brushing-teeth.

sacrifices

thanks to the diet, I have been constantly Hangry.
I used to be nice on the outside, but apparently, I'm not bothering to pretend anymore. Not by choice, it's biological. No more filter!
people might hate me, but at least I'll be thin. Mwahaha

I love nantucket. Everyone should be here for at least a week of their life. Knowing that a place this beautiful exists gives me hope for the post-apocalyptic future, in which I will come here, where things will inevitably still be fabulous, even if my family and I are zombies.

I got burnt today, as expected, and my boobs took the brunt of it. Maybe they'll shrink as a result?
One can only hope.

dedication

ok, I am going back on my lies
this blog is for my talking out of my butthole

THIS blog is for you to laugh at me and my friend, biracial, as we try to lose weight.

the challenge begins soon.

keep up with it.

V-Day

Found on Look At This Fucking Hipster
and I have to say
It's one of the best ideas I've ever seen.
Because bike-riders are inherently vaginas,
(not a bad thing)
and she's just pointing it out.

I ordered one.


UPDATE: I just looked at this picture again, and it grosses me out.

sorry.

new territory

I bet you've never heard a double-lie.

but you're about to feel doubly-tricked

because I'm giving purpose to this blog, because I need to tell someone about my aspirations, or I will find no willpower in making them happen:

I will write about, along with all the other random shit, my journey.
I will lose
10-15 pounds before October tenth.

why?
Because I tried on the bridesmaid dress for my sisters wedding, and it doesn't fit.
Also there's a really terrible picture of me in a bathing suit on facebook that was particularly inspiring.
But mostly the dress.
I must fit into it.

So, I will write down what I eat and do in terms of exercise daily once I get to school

no alcohol, sugar or carbs
only drink water.

and if you know me, you know that I may love sports a lot, but I HATE exercise. More than anything ever.

I might die or fail, but it should be amusing to watch from your end.

with maple syrup

right below Olivia Wilde
is CZJ.

but both of them are after the corn fritters I ate for dinner tonight.

I lied

I've been up to some great shit.

greaaaat shit.
more on that later.
here is a post I wrote late one night in frustration, and my internet wasn't working, so I didn't post it.

until nowsies:

"my blog is pointless
I enjoy it thoroughly, and I have been told it is enjoyed by others

but I find myself posting infrequently, as the honeymoon stage is over. The novelty is worn off, and now I am one of millions who blog. Unexceptional. Enjoyed, if at all, only by those who know me. I am not universally entertaining, informative, nor interesting.

This, I fear is a waste of a web page name. As I know “gray and yellow” is a hot commodity.

So, I am on a mission to find something to blog about. I am generally unqualified to teach anything to anyone, which is OK with me, but makes the task much more difficult.

Maybe I will only write about what I cannot write about, for lack of experience (working out, cooking, dieting, fashion, clubbing, cigarettes, music production, cool underground music that no one has heard of, photography, etc. The list is endless)

Maybe I will write about the process of finding things to blog about, in hopes that it will be something entertaining for someone other than my loyal readers, however few you may be.

Or maybe I will find something I’m good at, or something I am learning to be good at.

Or maybe I can write about the ridiculous things that happen at college (always entertaining)

This is not a diary, nor have I ever intended it to be, so I will reverse the damage done to my dear Gray and Yellow.

One last thing, though, before the transformation:

I realized this morning that I dress according to how difficult my hair is being that day. I get the feeling that most girls get dressed, then do their hair accordingly.
Ah, the virtues of curly hair. It makes the tough decisions for you, wether you want it or not."


I no longer feel this way. I like the pointlessness. Mostly because I'm going back to school, and everything there will have a point, which is lame.

I do, however, feel the same way about my hair. It dictates almost everything I do.

afro

Dayum

olivia!

M+D

"one of the mansonites is coming up for parole"
"they'll never get parole"
"she's dying or something"
"... good."

si, senor

The best word in the universe:

trabajabamos

courtesy of the spanish language.

Foul

big downer, but I'm pissed. Thought I would share why:

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/07/26/national/main5189831.shtml

what the article doesn't mention:

• the woman driving had a blood alcohol level twice of what it should have been, with undigested vodka still in her stomach
• she had smoked weed less than 30 minutes before the crash was investigated
• she called her brother while she was driving, whose children she was watching that weekend, and said she felt sick (really, she was wasted). He tried to get her to pull over, but she didn't, and the crash ensued
• a two liter bottle of vodka was found in the car (which was not even close to full)

melodramatic, yes, and probably something you didn't need to hear.
But my anger is out of control

people are gross and irresponsible and sad

Observation

There is a lot of tie dye in my closet
and by "in my closet", I mean on my floor.
My floordrobe.

practically on purpose

I do a bathroom run with 9 kids
come back
and Number-One says
"I accidentally peed in my pants. It was an accident. I didn't know I had to go when you asked. I have a change of clothes"

I feel a little bad, but really. I had asked 3 minutes before if anyone had to gooo

and she didnnnn't

and I had to deaallll withhh itttttt

and she's 6. Definitely potty-trained.

intelligence

I do something fairly dangerous fairly often:
Take pictures while driving.

I'm going to start posting what I take, so that my life-threatening habits come to some use.

Good Things

The soup last night was amazing.
Flavorful.
Red.
Awesome.
And there is a huge pot of it left, so if you want any, make the trip through the wilderness to my house. While you're here, you can play my mom and my new game, Diagnosis, in which you make guesses as to what ails me. Really fun.

everyone knows the soup is better the second or third day. You could experience it.


Also: I am now eating a bowl of Just Bunches, which is a beautiful creation. A box full of the best part of the Honey Bunches of Oats----> Da bunchez.

the product of sickness

I am sick
I suspect Lymes Disease. Fucking ticks are satan manifested in woodland parasites

In my sickness, my mother and I are making something absolutely delicious:

Sweet and Sour Cabbage and Beef Soup.

it sounds absolutely terrible, I admit.
but my mother ordered it yesterday on our way home from the Catskills, and it was satisfying in the most wonderful way.

i will report back on our inevitable success

as we cook, we are listening to Tegan and Sara <--- courtesy of Jersey Schorr




also: I have discovered I prefer this terrible sickness to work, and am unsurprised.

Preppy

sweet ass jacket

dark wash matchstick jean

matchstick cord

are things I bought just now

Covering the Bases

The Cake:
From a place in nearby ambler, called Anne's Cake Pan, where a mother of seven, who never anticipated becoming a baker creates beautiful and delicious cakes. We sampled 5 different bakeries, and this woman and her now grown children make the moistest vanilla cake, and buttercream icing so incredible you could die from it. And, they have a person whose job it is to smooth out the buttercream so it looks like fondant, which is essential, because, although pretty, fondant is not nearly as yummie.

In the end, the cake choice was:
Vanilla cake
Lemon buttercream filling
Vanilla buttercream icing

fabulous.

The Vacation:
Too short.

The Driving:
Too long

Work:
Almost over. I couldn't be more excited. It's been pretty painful. My favorite children (yes, I choose favorites. And I'm pretty obvious about it, too) are all leaving, and the children who could have been in the Omen are all sticking around to make my life miserable.

Consequences I Wish I Could Enforce:
If Number-One pees her pants again, I'm quitting
If Blondie eats the shit he picked out of his nose one more time, I'll call him out in front of everyone
If Goldilocks pinches me again, I'll pinch her back
If the Fairy eats any more dirt, I'll force feed him more
If the Goblin cries about not having the "yellow one" when we give shit out, I won't give him anything ever again
If the Waa Waa cries one more time about one more stupid thing, I'll sing Mariah Carey loudly over his misery until he stops

Mom makes me drive.

A very personal question:
is it safe to drive at 5am after going to sleep at 1:30?

I think it should be illegal.
waking up before 8 should be illegal.

Cause and Effect

I got an iPhone

so I don't do anything else ever. Including blog.

Eventually the wonder will wear off, but for now, I'll be listening to my Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me podcasts on my new toy.

I'll be back soon.

something to keep you company:


Lou shaking his nastiness on you

also: tonight is the much anticipated Cake Tasting.

I'll probably be back to talk about how much I ate.

reiteration

I LOVE X-MEN

definition

Cake Tasting
|kāk ˈteɪstɪŋ|
Noun
A gathering of those involved in the wedding planning (Bride, Groom, Mother of the Bride, Maid of Honor, Aunt PR, and Cousins Cassie and Susan), during which you eat many different flavors of cakes and fillings, delivered by various bakeries, chosen by the bride, to a house. One should not come hungry, so as to be able to discern the fine details of each texture and flavor. A movie is often involved, followed by a food-induced nap.

to bevin, love baton

I just made a CD for my father

We went over some songs in my iTunes, and

this is what is on it:

1. Dangerous And Sweet- Lenka*
   
2. O Valencia!- The Decemberists
3. Love Is a Losing Game- Amy Winehouse*
4. The Fear You Won't Fall- Joshua Radin
5. Time of the Season- Zombies*
6. The Way I Am- Ingrid Michaelson*
   
7. Walking with a Ghost- Tegan and Sara *
   
8. St. Theresa- Joan Osborne
9. Don't Stop- Fleetwood Mac
10. Chicago- Sufjan Stevens*
11. Dreams- The Cranberries
12. Jucky- Jason Mraz and Colbie Collait
13. If She Wants Me- Belle and Sabastian*
14. Die Alone- Ingrid Michaelson
15. Stop This Train- John Mayer

* Per his request

you should make CDs with your parents.

La Tele

Monsters Inside Me: Watch
Denise Richards; It's Complicated: Do Not Watch

Practicality

Last night I had a dream where I went to a john mayer concert, and got to go backstage to see him afterwards. I was so excited.
Now, in every other dream, he would have fallen in love with me, and we would have eloped. He would sing songs written for me to put me to sleep every night.

In my dream, he treated me like you would expect john mayer to treat a frizzy-haired fanatic. He agreed to take a picture with me, and said that I was crowding his dressing room. I left.

Then the dream developed towards my being stuck on an island with an old man, and it sucked.

I love John Mayer

Uppers

Mom

Rawr, Tiger

My Barn

Che Guavera (cat)

Paris, winter

Eel Point, Nantucket

Mom's flowers

Boathouse Row, Philadelphia

watery eyeballs

recent developments that have made my life significantly more difficult:

• my twin has reemerged
• my eyeball is red and hurty
• my cat cries and bites me at 4 am
• my closest coworker quit, which coincided with rise in camp enrollment
• my pinapple-filled tupperware opened in my backpack- gwoss
• I have learned about Monsters Inside Me, but cannot find a place to watch it
• my paycheck is far too small
• I still don't look like Olivia Wilde
  

The Man

My grandfather:
has the affectionate nickname Papa D
drinks very dry martinis on the rocks with a twist
drives a benz
naps like a pro.


if that's not a pimp, I don't know what is

Observed Tendency

my friend and I noted something the other day:
skinny people
(not thin, fit, or normal people, as broad categories. They put some effort into their appearance, and wouldn't stop at clothing selection. Just naturally thin people tend to have this problem, as a whole)

dress badly, and it's frustrating.

It's the worst thing to see. You were blessed with a fast metabolism, and have no need to work out. You can wear literally whatever you want, and not look like a blimp. Why do you shop exclusively at hollister and abercrombie? Don't you feel at least a little pathetic shopping alongside 11-year-olds and their mothers? As a consequence, you wind up looking like one. If you are going to spend too much money in a chain clothing store, and look like everyone else, at least go to a place that is flattering, interesting, and doesn't smell overwhelmingly like "little whore" perfume every time you walk in. Try JCrew, American Apparel or Anthropologie.

make the normal sized people a little less angry at you.

in case you were wondering:

THIS IS REAL.
NOT A JOKE.
BUT STILL HILARIOUS.

Pavlov

Meet Louis (he's french, so drop the 's', assholes).
He's the best dog ever.
Because he blows spit bubbles,


like me.

treat yourself!

begin by- Waking Up at 6:30
eat- a 3-Day Old Hoagie for lunch
Campbell's Tomato Soup followed up by a Week Old Cookie for dinner/dessert
hang out- with your 9 year old cousin, because you're soooo cool
do- some plant watering for 45 minutes
get- harassed by children for 6.5 hours
break- plans to visit your significant other to go grocery shopping, and feel like a total douche
have- a stupid fight about car registration
go- to bed at 10.

in other words...
have a shitful day

I will get fired.

whenever a camper is being whiny (always), I call them a waa waa (said with a nasal emphasis, implying a whiner).

for example-
Josh (4 year old): I'm tiiiirred. I don't wanna play football.
Bangbang: Do I hear a waa waa? They're the worst.
Josh: NO!!! I'm not a waa waa!
Bangbang: Then get out there and play, you waa waa.
Josh runs to play the game he doesn't want to play, because I hate whining.

it works on adults, too.

Good Shit

fuck yes

I love my parents without reservation.

Weekend of Summer

Last year I spent a month at nantucket.
This year: 3 days.

Bullshit.

luckily, it was a sick weekend.