babies

outside there is a bush with a cardinal nest in it
and in my yard are three baby cardinals actively learning to fly with their brightly colored father and lame-looking mother
hopping branch to branch and falling and shit

cool as hell


*I am beginning to see the emergence in me of the avian-geek gene that runs in my family. No one loves birds as much as my parents... And I'm starting to wonder if I am doomed to hours of sitting outside, birdwatching. Because I just spent 30 minutes doing so.

End O' June!

To the tune of Belle and Sebastian
To the visions of a home video.... made to be a music video

all in all, fabulous.

reiteration

like I said, I went to the fray concert on wednesday

and enjoyed it.

I managed to snag one video (before my camera died) of the beginning of the opening song:

some douchebag was shoving past me in the beginning, so please excuse the shakiness.

mourning

My parents and I just sat around my laptop in our own little memorial service for the great Michael Jackson.
We watched the whole 13+ minute video of thriller, as well as a4 minute billie jean performance, crowded around my laptop on youtube. We all got pretty frustrated with the excessive "acting" and shit. But the maybe 2 minutes that he was dancing and singing, he was sweet as fuck.


suck it, cardiac arrests. nothing will kill the king of pop.
"beat it" will live forever.

also, shut up those of you who try to remind people that Farrah Faucet died. We know.
Do you know MICHAEL JACKSON died?

what's funny about benihana?

Everything.

I went with my parents tonight, and our waiter's name was Jose. We were at a table with an older couple and a younger couple.

My mom then coined the phrase "cruise ship experience" (awkward interactions with people you cannot escape, and will have to enjoy something fairly interactive with).

Also, in the middle of our meal, we witness 5 guys rush to the emergency exit. From the top of the door, water is pouring into the restaurant, despite it being as closed as they could get it.

successful meal.

the core of my being

I LOVE
X-MEN FIRST
BATMAN SECOND
MOUSE THIRD
FAMILY FOURTH

The Fray

Yes, it's true. Last night I went to The Fray's concert with my sister and her fiancee (the man)

And I enjoyed it.

but not as much as the emo-dancing fat girl next to me who came with her mom. I'm pretty sure she got a little too excited during "how to save a life". Her O-face was on.


don't judge me. We had sick seats, the lights were so cool, and they are good at what they do (even if it is whiney rock). They sound just like they do on the radio. But a little more hype.

suck it.

ingenuity

So, at camp, my co-counselor is 40 with kids, and has a job as a social rehabilitator (she works with kids with personality disorders and stuff). She shared one of her many incredible experiences in:

the story of the week
"So, I had this new girl on my schedule, and on her forms, her name was listed as 'Le-a'. I walk into the house, say hello to the mother, and tell her I'm excited to work with "leah" (as I pronounced it). Her mother goes, 'who?, oh, no no. The dash isn't silent. It's 'ledasha'"

yes. Ladasha.
the dash isn't silent.

you're welcome. I know that brightened your shitty week.

In other news:
RIP MICHAEL JACKSON. YOUR WERE THE MAN BACK IN THE DAY. AND YOU DIED KINDA CREEPY. BUMMER.

right now now now

listening: to my dad play the bass downstairs
wishing: I was as cool as him (HUGE fan of my dad)
waiting: for someone to cook me shit, because I'm definitely hangry, and not doing it myself
talking: about maryjane
reading: a book I've already read instead of finishing the one I'm in the middle of, or starting a new one. Soooo ambitious of me
feeling: frustrated with my hair. About to go afro

Ingrid

There are a few celebrities that I wish I knew. Ingrid Michaelson is someone I wish I was friends with, big time.
Awesome person (from my creepy stalker stance), sweet music. And she's good live.

yes, this happened.

one of my own

..... Kind of
When I was little, my uncle made me the most wonderful dessert.

A recipe for the best milkshake ever:
good, far too expensive vanilla ice cream (haagen dazs or ben and jerry's)
hershey's chocolate syrup
vanilla extract
whole milk

be sure not to put too much milk in. Seriously. Ruins it entirely.

Also: Lifetime's "Glad to Have Dad" marathon for Father's Day includes the movie version of Memory Keeper's Daughter, which, from what I remember from the book, features an extraordinarily shitty father, who gives his daughter away at birth because she has Downs Syndrome, and then lies to his wife about it. I don't think that deserves a father's day

Paranoia

Sequence of Events:

1. Came home pretty high at 1 am
2. Went upstairs, put the dog in my parent's room
3. Fell asleep in only underwear
4. At 3:30 am, dog started barking
5. Went downstairs (in only underwear), let him outside
6. Realized I didn't set the alarm or lock the door when I went to bed at 1, and realized that there could be someone in the house
7. Let dog back in, went upstairs, and tried to listen for the rapist/murderer that must have been hiding in my house
8. Imagination got progressively more scary, ending in my imagining myself having my throat slit on the roof
9. Freeeaaaaked out, texted wonderful boyfriend
10. Locked the doors, drove 25 minutes, and fell asleep in boyfriend's bed at 4:30 am.
    

Doppleganger

"To remain buoyant, the flesh of the blobfish is primarily a gelatinous mass with a density slightly less than water; this allows the fish to float above the sea floor without expending energy on swimming. The relative lack of muscle is not a disadvantage as it primarily swallows edible matter that floats by in front of it."
(definition courtesy of wikipedia)

This is the fish I would be, if I were to be a fish.

Update: Jersey Shorr probably pointed this out to me, and my subconscious conjured up the wonderful information a year later

Seaweed is so hot, though.

House sitting again. Humph.
Last night I went to a birthday party at another parent-less residence. My friend and I were kind of surprise guests, I think. Definitely out of the ordinary for the group that was there. Also, we were the only sober ones there, making it much more interesting. I had fun, despite my being exhausted from working. Pictures are on their way.

I'm thinking to maybe have more than a few people over during the two-week house sitting I will be a part of in July. I just hate cleaning up. And the prospect of puke on my mother's bed is very scary.
Maybe it could be camp-out themed. Pee in the woods, sleep in tents outside. The rain will clean up for me...

I'm watching hairspray. I don't want to be. I want to go out to brunch, but my breakfast partner is still sleeping.

Word

Hangry:
ˈha ng grē

adj.

State of severe irritability and irrationality brought on by the absence of food for over 3 hours.

dad invented this word especially for me. For as long as I have been able to eat, it has been used to describe the horrible person I become when I haven't.

(hungry + angry)

The Hump

Things I may or may not have done in the past 3 days:

• Peed outside when I could have just easily gone inside
• Brushed my teeth
• Made oatmeal every morning with 2 table spoons of brown sugar
  
• Made cake to have an excuse to make icing (and eat it alone)
• Fallen asleep at 10 pm nightly
• Eaten an italian hoagie a day
• Whined at my mom to pay attention to me incessantly
• Watched a show about primordial dwarfism... And loved it
• Invited a friend over then just sit around and watch TV for hours
• Eaten 4 servings of Chex Mix in one sitting.

Hint: The worse option is often right (out of "may" or "may not" have)

Luckily, it's wednesday, and things can only get better from myeah (... here?).

Finally

You can hide whole people from your news feed on facebook.
Thank god.
People I "hid":

• Girl I played soccer with when I was 13. Her shirt is pulled up in her profile picture, which she took herself while pouting. My favorite!
  
• Kid from local high school who updates every time he takes a piss
  
• Everyone younger than 17 (unless they are the upcoming junior "girls". They are hilarious to look at)
• A girl from camp who mixes her upper and lower cases inappropriately, and uses hearts in all status updates
  
• A person who says they're my cousin who really isn't
• A ballerino from high school.
  

this may not be a new thing, but I just figured it out. Best day ever. Suck it.

pictures found

My dance lesson from some shwasties



the lone milk. I'm sure it was satisfying.



food choices of 5, 19 year old girls. I found out fruit by the foot aren't that bad for you. Like, at all, by my standards. I ate at least 3 that night. There are 6 in a box.


It was hard to capture the trashiness on camera, but this woman had me staring at her unabashed in starbucks. It was marvelous.




Cheese cake puffs. They are fluffier than cheesecake, and twice as delicious, because they are bite-sized. I also ate 3 of these (in addition to a slice of cake, a hoagie, and many chocolate covered oreos). As soon as I get the recipe from the woman, I will make, then post.

My texts from last night

(215): spotted: tuxedo tshirt, extremely short jean shorts, flip flops and middle age. My god what is the world coming to

(215): Fuck her. Stupid whore. I hope the groom punches her in the nose and bounces.

(215): Did I mention that they had to rehearse just before because they had a tiny dog named meatball walk down the aisle in a suit and tophat?

Benefits of Stalking

Thanks to facebook stalking I found another incredible thing.
"look at this fucking hipster". com

My favorite (thusfar) example of the hilarious obnoxiousness:


The caption that accompanies this glory? You must visit to find out.

much appreciated.

Thank you, Jersey Schorr, for this glorious suggestion:

http://www.snacksandshit.com/

It describes itself as such:

This blog is about rap and hip-hop lyrics that are absolutely absurd, ludicrous, nonsensical, ridiculous, basic, basically stupid, basically bad, basically basic, or preposterous. We also take some lines and examine them literally.

Do it.

A particularly personally touching piece:

"Now we in the penthouse. They in the lobby. Gucci frames on. I don't see nobody."

Red Cafe: "Where the fuck is Damon?"
Damon: "Dude, I am Damon. We've been talking for 20 minutes. Take your sunglasses off you fuckin' dork."

Filed under: Trying so hard to look cool but you're just affecting your eyesight

I remember writing about how horrible and awful and terrible wearing sunglasses at night is. It makes me so happy that they see what I see.

mmyello (the middle-aged tool greeting)

catching up:

I went to a graduation party today at a house with a massive backyard featuring a river. It is beautiful. And, when it started to downpour at 4 pm, the river flooded and the current was carrying whole trees, and seeped up to the upper lawn, making it look like he lives in a floating property. Foliage and everything were enough above water to make it seem plausible that they just lived like that normally. Also, at this party, people who I didn't think knew my name talked to me as if they wanted to get to know me with enough sincerity to fool me at least. Big plus.

Then, my dad asked me to go get the car. He handed me an umbrella, saving me from the unpleasant parts of torrential downpour (having to squint and put your head down while becoming progressively convinced that you will develop hypothermia). What it did was let me walk through patches of deep, fast moving wetness. Most notably, I walked on brick walkways with moss, so it felt like I was stepping into a kinda warm fuzzy bathtub. And since it was just rain, it didn't feel dirty.

Work starts monday. I'm really intimidated by children. I may pee myself before my kindergarteners do

Tomorrow is my family's fake father's day, where we will participate in a family team golf tournament. Meaning boys versus girls. Meaning my mom, my sister and I are going to get shat on.

I had dinner with my 2nd cousin, his mom, and my parents. It was awesome. He's really smart, funny and nice, and I didn't spend nearly enough time with him in high school, despite us being in classes together. We also agree on many things, including: school gossip (very entertaining), stairwell-poop investigations (unnecessary. Why would you want to ruin the wonderful mystery?), romances, english teachers, overly political people (the far left and right are equally annoying and impossible to reason with), our high school's attitude towards college (sickening and overly competitive), and animals.

My friends from school visited me, and there is just way too much shit in philadelphia to show someone, and it's really frustrating, because you wind up planning out days that couldn't possibly be carried out, even if you were super-efficient. Mostly, there is amazing food, which isn't nearly recognized enough, and there is only so much you can eat and spend money on.

I bought the dress previously mentioned. Gray and Orange. And, it has arrived. Big boobs ruin everything.

also, whales are kinda gross looking. White barnacles dangling off of floppy under-neck skin. Like an old lady with chin warts.

Cranium may be the best board game ever. I don't care what people say.


And, lastly,

I am an overly competitive person, exemplified in many of my actions and feelings this past week.

housewarming

They're In!

Thank you, the three people who voted.

The results:
2/3 wanted to marry alton brown
1/3 picked Morimoto... A little kinky.

I like it.

But:
Vote next time jerkfaces.

Comparative Greatness

Kathy Griffin > Chelsea Handler
(is greater than)

Boom, roasted.




*also, I want to be one of her secretaries. New lifetime goal.

Get it together, bobby

Yet again, bobby flay loses in Throwdown. How is this still a show? I'm sure he's a fine chef, but until he wins something, I'm out.

also, I don't think my talking about food network on here is proportional to how much I watch it. I watch it a lot. Like, more than is probably acceptable.


also also, I've been dreaming about sausage patties for over 24 hours now. If I don't have them for breakfast, I might die. They are absolutely the best food ever. Especially for sunday mornings.

Sunday=sadness

things I have come to be familiar with in the past 24 hours:

bile |bīl|

noun
a bitter greenish-brown alkaline fluid that aids digestion and is secreted by the liver and stored in the gallbladder. It sucks when it shows up in your toilet.

awkward cousinly interactions |ˈôkwərd ˈkəzənli ˌintərˈak sh ənz|
noun
when your cousin comes over with her cute, overly ignored baby, and you know she steals form fellow family members, and whines about people you like a lot (and are related to). She may also stay 2 hours longer than you or your sister are comfortable with, and consequentially stays for dinner, which wasn't anticipated or wanted. Feelings of relief often accompany her leaving.


all in all, it wasn't a great day. I also had to drive and pick people up from the airport, which didn't agree with the bile emitting itself from my body. However, the cause of the puke was most likely the really fun party I went to. And apparently made a fool of my self at. whoopsies.

making it better (all the time):

thanks Jules.

humph.

My parents left me here alone and went to our house in nantucket to set it up for the summer. I could have gone, and I'm kicking myself now for not doing so. It's probably my favorite place ever.
I was looking at pictures from last year(masochism at it's finest), and realized the best part about nantucket is fishing at night. Not because I like fishing (because I think it's shitty), but because it's pretty, and my mom and I just end up looking for sea shells.
To give you a taste of the pain I'm feeling now, here is a taste of the wonder:

the best.

Grizzly Bear

just.... fabulous.

what?!

SHIT I WILL NEVER WATCH:
16 and Pregant

boooo MTV.

Jealous

I realllllly wish I had created this. It is perfect in so many ways.
go visit.
http://superuseless.blogspot.com/

it's amazing. Amazing. amazing.

F List

my favorite:

celebrity couple: Kelis and Nas (they exchanged grills at their wedding)
dessert that I treat is breakfast: strawberry shortcake
daytime show: barefoot contessa
name ever: hugh (grant, jackman, laurie)
movie(s): anything that has "x-men" in it (the second one was the bestest... maybe the third)
drank: chocolate milk
game: the sims 3
shape: rhombus
hot woman: olivia wilde (whose real name is "cockburn"--- perfect.)
lunch: duck quesadillas (zakes!)

new application on my computer: last.fm
summer music: vampire weekend
activity: sitting inside when it's nice outside, playing the sims.

hookah, beignets and tacos

Che Guevera's favorite drank: running water


really incredible taco place by the Italian market in philadelphia (a little bit sketchy). The above are pork + pineapple, beef + chorizo, and chicken.


The very telling reaction to a reading from the middle school literary magazine


home-made beignets. Best idea ever


a wonderful gray and yellow top-section, taken at the hookah bar.

oh shit!

I'm watching the scariest shit ever ever ever:

THS investigates: Teen Pregnancy Nightmares

Not only does it conjure up images of pregnancy and childbirth (already material that prevents me from sleeping), but it's about people who are too afraid of having kids that they fall down the stairs on purpose, ask people to kick them in the tummy, and kill babies after their born.

marvelous.

also, remember that school in Gloucester, Mass, where 17 teenage girls made a pact with each other to get pregnant, and slept with homeless men and shit to do it?
America is the best place ever.

Words of WIsdom

Dad: There are doers, and there are sitters.
bangbang: ... am I a sitter?
Dad: only if you don't pick up dinner.
bangbang: what are the consequences of my not doing that?
Dad: you'll be a hungry hungry sitter.

Awesomeee

The best use of money ever:
Buying the Sims 3.
then making a sim based off of a person you don't like and having them be a total freak, realizing you love the game too much to throw it, and consequentially spending three hours trying to make her successful, which is really hard because she is so doomed for failure.

suck it.