i learned something today

girlfriend: if you were in a bar, and Beyonce came up to you and tried to make out with you... What would you do?

boyfriend: is jay-z there?

g: no

b: absolutely.

g: what if it was a girl who just looked like beyonce...

b: even more so. Hot normal girls are so much better than hot celebrities

the world might not end... but this is awesome

as is now probably common knowledge (thanks to nicholas cage, obviously) , on december 21st, 2012, the Mayan calendar ends.

Will the world end? I don't think so.

However, I was watching the History Channel today (which weirdly makes me feel much better about not doing homework), and some qualified-looking-people were talking about what this stuff is all about. Apparently, for the first time in human existence, the sun will cross with the milky way... or something.

(After stating this, they said shit about how this could kill everyone. But it wont, because we would have been warned.)

Really cool.

alright, 2013

you've been here for a semester. Have you not yet grown bored of running around hallways screaming about how wasted you are?

calm down and go away.

yeah right, SVU

Elliot Stabler would absolutely not have lasted more than three episodes worth of cases. He would be sued so fast and hard for the shit he pulls. Breaking into houses without warrants (frequently), physically abusing suspects (they try to account for this by having him receive a slap on the wrist once in a while. But not nearly often enough), and touching shit in the crime scenes with his big man-fingers.

I don't believe that shit for a second.

Narwhals

I did not know narwhals were real. I thought they were ocean-bound unicorns, punished by zeus for their puncturing and eating of cyclops babies.

Apparently, they're real. And can swim in packs without hurting eachother, which is the true magic about them.

Robert Downey Jr.

I love you.I love you.I love you.I love you.I love you.I love you.I love you.I love you.I love you.I love you.I love you.

Jennifer Morrison

Is clearly not better than olivia wilde.

Some truth nuggets and a question

Banana bread is scrumptious
Naps are recreational, relaxing, sometimes necessary (often not), and invasive to social activity.
The kleptones are fun to listen to (hip-hopera)
Cheesecake is the fat, kinda smelly, king of desserts
Leotards make going to the bathroom a difficult obligation
I don't have any desire to take a political science class


Where are cat penises?
Some hypotheses from ginger and bearded:

1. The penises are casualties in the war of neutering
2. They are tucked into a kitty skin flap
   
3. All cats have vajayjays
4. The cat penis is a magical appendage which only comes out from it's invisibility charm to mate.
   

Things I don't understand

Part 5: Jersey Shore

Do people really watch this?

If so, why?
hypotheses: So they feel better about themselves
Anthropological studies
They're already braindead

Are these people real? Because, their hair, boobs and tans do not look real. I suspect much more of them isn't, as well.

How do you not throw up when looking at snookie's pursed lips and poofy hair?

Where do they get all that eyeliner?

Mordor, Horcuxes and Eisengard (101)- Intro to Dark Forces

If my preppy liberal arts school had classes on fantasy literature, I would ace that shit.

Yesterday I (re)read the entire seventh harry potter (after reading the sixth in just a few days). This makes me a nerd, yes, and probably means I should still be in seventh grade. However, that's 760 pages in 11 hours. In other words, the epitome of dedication.

I dream about harry potter, too. This is very sad, I understand.
I love this shit.
I love Dumbledore.
I wish the books didn't end.

I also recently conquered all three Lord of the Rings movies in one day. That was a feat. I was accompanied by cousin, ginger, which I feel makes it a little less pathetic.

In contrast, I didn't open either of my textbooks for my two psychology classes this past semester. And psychology is my major. Imagine the lack of work that went into all other subjects. Kind of impressive, I know.

Anyway, when I become headmaster of a university (conveniently and coincidentally named Hogwarts), the only major will be magical studies, and the only books required will be those written by J.K Rowling or J. R. R. Tolkien. Our language department will cover Elvish and Parsletongue.
If anyone wants to teach or attend, there are no requirements for you to do so. Just send an owl or a hobbit.
It will be awesome.

Olivia!

you're perfect.